Dominican Lou

SKIT TRANSCRIPT

Colin Quinn: And now, here with an analysis of the home run chase – the building superintendent at 1901 Burnside Avenue in the Bronx, our very own, Dominican Lou.

Dominican Lou: Okay! Sammy Sosa, who is Dominican, like me, is hitting the home runs a lot, and I am so proud o’ he! I am proud o’ he! I am proud of the greatest sport of all time – the baseball!

Colin Quinn: I understand you have something special for us, Lou?

Dominican Lou: Colin, you remember the game where Sosa hit his 62 home run?

Colin Quinn: Yeah.

Dominican Lou: Look at this! [ holds up baseball ] I have the ball from that game. I come onto you show to sell it for one million dollar!

Colin Quinn: That’s amazing! You caught Sosa’s 62nd home run?

Dominican Lou: No. It is not Sosa’s ball. But, in the game, you remember the third inning? Gary Gaetti, he hit the foul ball into the stand? I caught that ball! I sell it for one million dollar!

Colin Quinn: Lou, you can’t sell Gary Gaetti’s ball. Nobody wants Gary Gaetti’s ball.

Dominican Lou: I sell you the ball, Colin. One million dollar. Come on, bro! You got the money. You on TV. One million dollar, bro, come on.

Colin Quinn: I don’t want the ball, Lou.
Dominican Lou: Look, it’s a nice ball. It’s autographed. [ shows Colin ]

Colin Quinn: [ examining ball ] Hey, this says “Dominican Lou”.

Dominican Lou: I sign it. You buy it for one million dollar!

Colin Quinn: Lou, I’m not going to buy Gary Gaetti’s ball.

Dominican Lou: Okay, okay. Can I say one more thing about the Sosa?

Colin Quinn: Okay, go ahead.

Dominican Lou: Colin Quinn, you are a cheap bastard!

Colin Quinn: Dominican Lou, everybody. I’m Colin Quinn, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.