Brian Fellow

Good evening and welcome to Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet, I’m Brian Fellow!

Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. He is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education and an abiding love for all of God’s creatures…share his love tonight on Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet!

Brian Fellow Quotes:

Is a donkey and a mule the same thing?

Does this donkey fix cars?

Rabbits can’t cut their own hair….THAT’S CRAZY!!!

The rain forest? That sounds wet!

Once I saw a video of a monkey washing a cat, THAT’S CRAZY!!

Sample “Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet” Transcript

Brian Fellow…..Tracy Morgan
Gabby Connors…..Britney Spears
Doc Ellis…..Dean Edwards

[ start music, show Brian standing, pacing in place, pointing to cartoon animals ]

Voiceover: Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. He is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education and an abiding love for all of God’s creatures…share his love tonight on…[ musical interlude ] BRIAN FELLOW’S SAFARI PLANET! (end music)

[ show Brian sitting alone looking at camera ]

Brian Fellow: Good evening and welcome to Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet. I’m Brian Fellow!! Tonight we’re gonna be meeting some animals who have some big ears! [ whispers to camera ] ..i bet they can hear me whisper. [ normal voice ] I’m very excited to meet some new friends. So let’s get going!! Our first guest has good eyesight cause he eats carrots!..Please welcome a bunny rabbit!

[ start music ] Gabby Conners walks in, holding a bunny rabbit

Brian Fellow: And who are you?!

Gabby Connors: I’m Gabby Connors, I work for the City ZooMobile in Santa Barbara!

Brian Fellow: Welcom Barbara!

Gabby-[ chuckles ] No, I’m Gabby..I’m from Santa Barbara!

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!!!

Gabby Connors: Hi Brian, well today I’ve brought someone for you to meet…[ showing bunny ] This is Riley..He’s one of our most popular animals on the zoo-mobile. He’s a three-year old short haired rabbit.

Brian Fellow: Why did you cut it’s hair so short?!

Gabby Connors: [ confused ] Um, actually I didn’t cut his hair, this particular rabbit has natural short hair..yeah..

Brian Fellow: Rabbits can’t cut they own hair…that’s CRAZY!!

Gabby Connors: [ smiling ] Of course rabbit’s can’t cut their own hair, no

Brian Fellow: That’s what I said.

Gabby Connors: [ confused again ]- You’re right and even thought this rabbit’s coat is short, the coat is thick enough to keep him plenty warm in the winter nights

Brian Fellow: But i bet if he tried to cut his own hair, he might cut one of his ears off!!

Gabby Connors: Well…i suppose so…But just like I said, this rabbit didn’t cut his own hair.

Brian Fellow: [ angered ]- Then why did you bring him here?! Get him out of here![ Gabby leaves ] Next time, make sure he do what you say he do! [ to audience, still angered ] I’m very sorry about that, it’s inexcusable! Someone’s gonna lose they job over that! Now I mean this! [ pauses, then smiles ] Our next guest has big ears too cause he likes to carry coffe beans and rocks…Please welcome, a donkey! [ music hits,doc enters w/donkey ]..And who are you?

Doc Ellis: Hi I’m Doc Ellis from the Lancaster Children’s Petting Zoo.

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!!

Doc Ellis: Hello Brian! I- I’d like you to meet Jessie.

Brian Fellow: I already have a friend named Jessie. He fixes my car.

Doc Ellis: [ confused ] That-That’s nice…

Brian Fellow: Does this donkey fix cars?

Doc Ellis: No he doesn’t

Brian Fellow: Then they probably aren’t related.

Doc Ellis: [ smiling ] Yeah, you know you’re probably right.

Brian Fellow: Did you see that haircut rabbit? With the short haircut?

Doc Ellis: Yeah i did.

Brian Fellow: That was CRAZY!

Doc Ellis: [ laughing ] It sure was, and although it might look like it, this donkey didn’t give himself a haircut.

Brian Fellow: I know that, I’m not stupid!

Doc Ellis: I- I was just kidding…

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!!! Let me ask you a question. Is a donkey and a mule the same thing?

Doc Ellis: You know, thats a very good question..

[ doc keeps rambling…his voice eventually fades out to brian laughing while thinking of a rabbit cutting his own hair ]

Brian Fellow: [ laughing ] he’s CRAZY!!

Doc Ellis: What? What are you talking about?

Brian Fellow: The haircut rabbit!!

Doc Ellis: What? [ confused ] What haircut rabbit?

Brian Fellow: Just think about it!

Doc Ellis: [ thinks about the rabbit cutting his hair, then laughs ] He is crazy, youre right!

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow! And thats all the time we have for today! Join me next time when we meet a flying squirrel….that sounds CRAZY!! I’m Brian Fellow!!

[ music plays, fade to dark ]

Thanks to Blake Benham for this transcript!